


Deceit

by Djapchan



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Kissing, M/M, POV Beelzebub (Good Omens), Plot Twists, Secret Relationship, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djapchan/pseuds/Djapchan
Summary: Beelzebub, disguised as Crowley, tries to tempt Aziraphale into lust. The angel seems surprisingly receptive to the scheming.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 108





	Deceit

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to [Compassrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CompassRose/pseuds/CompassRose) for the amazing work as my beta reader. Any remaining errors are entirely my own and I will take full responsibility for all of them.

Deceit

...

_Lust is the answer to our problem._

Beelzebub cursed. Their morning had already started as badly as you would expect with being an employee in Hell, but it looked like it had serious potential to grow even worse. They rubbed their perpetually tired eyes, sipped their coffee and groaned in annoyance as they finally stared back at the computer screen.

Unfortunately, the email was still sitting in their inbox. Short, without any proper context and from one of their oldest enemies on top of it. At least there was only one reason why the archangel Gabriel would contact them, so Beelzebub got at least a little bit of context to work with.

They usually didn't bother with any pleasantries in emails themselves, although Beelzebub felt the itch to make an exception, just to annoy Gabriel with the frivolous waste of his precious time. With a pout, they deleted any additional lines before they hit send. It wouldn't do to potentially be caught pretending to be nice to an angel, even if out of malicious spite.

_Explain._

Beelzebub took another sip of their coffee and called for their first employee to enter. When they realized it was Hastur, who would without question insist on reciting his evil deeds, they desperately wished they had remembered to spike their coffee before starting their workday.

...

_Meet me in the Abandoned Warehouse™.10 sharp._

Unfortunately for Eric, the Disposable Demon, he was present in Lord Beelzebub's office, when they saw this new email pop up in their inbox.

His beheading was quick and efficient, although the old fashioned letter opener had been a surprisingly personal choice.

Eric felt oddly touched.

...

"Nobody giveszzz me orders but my Maszzzter." Beelzebub buzzed when they arrived 15 minutes after 10 at their meeting place.

Gabriel rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed by their tardiness and tone, but for once sensible enough not to comment any further. The Abandoned Warehouse™ was a neutral ground for both demonic and angelic forces and as their current peace treaty was volatile enough already, it wouldn't do any good (or evil) for them to attack each other in it.

"A meeting saves time." Gabriel sneered, then rubbed his hands with a sudden gleeful smirk that would have put any self-respecting demon to shame. Beelzebub, oddly charmed by it, decided to let the matter go.

"What iszzz it?"

"Lust." Gabriel beamed and waggled his eyebrows.

Beelzebub suppressed their gag reflex and demanded, "Exzzzzplain."

For a moment Gabriel showed his irritation openly, disdain for the demon evident, before his expression changed back to what the angel clearly perceived as carefully neutral. [1]

"It's obvious."

"It _iszzzn't._ Szzzpit it out!"

Gabriel huffed then started pacing. "All we have to do is make that idiot fall. It's the perfect plan."

Beelzebub blinked. "What makezzz you think Hell would want that idiot?" They didn't add that Hell was still searching for a way to deal with their own traitor. Why in Satan’s name would they want another demon who defied Hell’s control? Whatever went wrong with Crowley had also clearly happened to Aziraphale.

"Because," Gabriel paused for dramatic effect, stretching Beelzebub's patience even thinner than it already was, "he'd be miserable. He loves being an angel. He'd despair and change, and ultimately your stupid demon would get bored by his whining and leave his side. They'd be weak and vulnerable without each other. Much easier for us to deal with them alone."

To their own surprise Beelzebub could see the appeal in the idea. As much as it pained them to admit it, they agreed with their enemy insofar as whatever had changed both the traitors, it must have to do with their friendship and the time they spent together on earth through the millenia.

"Why Luszzzt? I heard he loveszzz to zzzztuff himszzzelf with food all the time. Wouldn't Gluttony be easzzzier?"

Gabriel snorted. "With all the gross matter he has sullied his vessel with already, I don't think it would even be possible. Nobody upstairs has any idea why he hadn't fallen for Gluttony yet, but if it has not happened by now, we don't expect it will."

"It doezzzn't exzzzplain." Beelzebub felt their irritation grow heavier with every passing second.

"Why Luzzzt?"

"We surveyed both of them since we couldn't destroy them." Gabriel told them smugly. "It turns out the idiot thinks he is in love with your traitor." The archangel visibly shuddered.

Beelzebub blinked. "That's... unlikely," they finally settled on.

It was Gabriel's turn for annoyance, it seemed. "Look, I know your lot can't feel love anymore, but for angels it is as clear as anything else. We just didn't realize before, because it only gets obvious when you observe them together."

"Huh."

"That's why somebody from Hell needs to seduce him, pretending to be that traitor demon."

"What???" Beelzebub sputtered, flies starting to buzz around them in agitation.

Gabriel’s dour look clearly communicated his feelings about Beelzebub’s slow uptake. He sounded like a particularly annoyed preacher when he lectured, "It has to be another demon in disguise. He'd recognize an angel immediately. Like I said, we are _built_ to feel love and to love. Even if it is not directed at him, he'd feel the sentiment. It's nothing we could just 'switch off'." Gabriel went as far as to make air quotes and Beelzebub suppressed the urge to bite the archangel's index fingers clean off. They also didn't comment on the fact that they thought this was incorrect. The angels they had dealt with in the past were terrible at showing love for anything other than themselves.

"You really think it would make him fall?" Beelzebub asked for confirmation and Gabriel simply nodded.

To their own surprise, Beelzebub found themselves considering the idea. If they were being honest with themselves, lust was usually an easy one with most humans. They barely needed a push in the direction of any carnal desires and when the temptation required the demon to... channel the process, it usually turned out on the more... pleasurable side. At least for a demon... and compared to some other sins.

Also, the thought of corrupting an angel to Falling? Making them suffer in a truly torturous and painful way only another demon would truly understand? They could already feel the pleasure of it on their tongue and tingling along their spine. Delicious.

"Conszzzider it a deal. Aszzz long aszzz you owe me a perszzzonal favor once we we think of a proper way to deal with our traitor."

Gabriel did a double take, betraying that he hadn’t expected to succeed with his proposition, before he broke into another broad smirk. This time, Beelzebub mirrored the smirk when they shook hands to seal the pact.

...

Beelzebub sipped their coffee and contemplated the mess their office had become. Scattered around them on every available surface lay thick folders with paperwork concerning the two traitors. Some of them featured hastily scribbled notes and corrections while the rest disappeared in a sea of colorful post-its. The latter had clearly been a futile attempt to organize the huge amount of data.  
Beelzebub had spent the last two weeks preparing for this particular temptation and they looked forward to it. After reading every single sheet of paperwork they could find about Crowley and this traitor angel, they'd moved on to subtle observations. They'd watched them visit the theater and have lunch [2] in so many different places, it made their head swim.

They had been cautious, but thanks to their flies they sometimes even managed to overhear bits and pieces of their conversations. Dreadfully dull most of the time of course, but at least they had a general idea now of how Crowley usually talked to the other. It would be useful for their temptation.

Beelzebub rose from their office chair and walked over to the wall, where they materialized a huge mirror. It manifested with two small fly wings on each side, made out of some sleek black metallic looking substance. It was also broken in four different places and didn't show any signs of the slimy greyish grime that usually manifested on every surface in Hell within hours.

Beelzebub added the prepared glamor to appear like Crowley and checked the final result. They grimaced a bit at the new look. They certainly weren’t happy about the lanky long legs or the unfamiliar snake eyes, but the obligatory sunglasses were truly impractical. Additionally the Effort they’d made felt thoroughly squished in the tight black jeans, which was far from comfortable. Beelzebub rarely bothered with an Effort and briefly considered removing it again, but their plan could hardly proceed without one. They hoped they had at least chosen the correct one to aid in their seduction. For the last few centuries, particularly when he met the angel, Crowley had mostly seemed male-presenting.

Time to get the show running.

...

Beelzebub took the time to stop at one of the bakeries they'd seen the two frequent quite regularly and bought two of the pastries the angel usually favoured. It had been a while since they had done any field work on Earth, but they had always been proud of their temptation skills as there was a certain art to it.

The Serpent of Eden wasn't the only one good at this particular game.

Around this time of the week Crowley was usually on one of his own prowls to cause mischief, so Beelzebub knew they should have around two or three hours to set their plan in motion.

Beelzebub took one last fortifying breath when they reached the bookshop and briefly wished the place were less warded, so they would have been able to observe the pair inside as well. As it were, they just would have to wing it, but truly, how hard could it be?

They felt the wards keenly when they approached and knocked on the front door. The angelic energy prickled at their skin and although they could technically just brush past it if they really wanted, it would be much easier if the angel officially invited them in.

"Crowley." The angel beamed when he opened the door. "You are back early today. Please, do come in!" Aziraphale waved him inside and Beelzebub breathed a soft sigh of relief as the angelic wards opened to allow him access.

"I brought you something, angel," Beelzebub said and offered the pastries. They liked how smooth they had sounded, casually adding the nickname they had heard Crowley use for the other traitor, even though they knew to better keep their mouth shut for as long as possible to not accidentally destroy the illusion. The more they talked, the easier it would be for them to give a wrong answer or make a weird comment and startle the angel into realizing that something was wrong.

Gabriel had insisted that the angel in question was too stupid and incompetent to sniff out such a ruse, but Beelzebub wasn't convinced. Better safe than sorry, especially if you had only one shot at a temptation.

"For me?" Aziraphale asked, his smile growing as he reached for the bag of pastries. "Thank you, my dear." The angel headed to the back room of the bookshop and Beelzebub followed slowly, not sure if they would be allowed to come along.

The angel gestured to a sofa nearby and busied himself with unpacking the sweets from the bag. Beelzebug took a seat and tried to sprawl on the cushions in the typical way Crowley would. They weren't sure they pulled it off, but the angel didn't seem suspicious, so they decided to work with what they got.

"There you go, my dear boy." the angel finally said cheerfully and offered Crowley a plate with one of the pastries together with a small fork. While Beelzebub started eating, Aziraphale grabbed his own plate and made motions to sit down in the armchair opposite of him.

Beelzebub wasn't happy about the distance, knowing they were on a tight schedule. They made a small discouraging noise and softly put a suggestion behind it, the smallest hint of a temptation. Confused, the angel looked up and cocked his head. "Crowley?"

"Why don't you sit with me, angel? There is room enough for both of uszzz." A small crease appeared between the angel's eyebrows and Beelzebub cursed inwardly at their little slip. At least they knew Crowley also tended to hiss sometimes, when the other demon's emotions were running high. Their buzzing wasn't that different in theory.

Thankfully the angel seemed as thick as Gabriel had described, and confusion soon bloomed into a soft, shy smile. Beelzebub suppressed the urge to roll their eyes and watched calmly as the angel sat down next to them. "Of course my dear. If that is what you wish."

Beelzebub watched the angel dig into his pastry and decided to interfere directly with the second bite. They delicately strengthened the initial temptation so as not to rouse any suspicion as they reached for the angel's hand and caught it in midair, only to lean forward and steal the bite on the fork. [3]

Beelzebub let their eyes meet and suppressed a triumphant grin as they saw the telltale blush spread from the angel's cheeks to his ears and from there down to his neck. His look was utterly focused on Beelzebub's lips and the demon couldn't resist letting his currently snake-like tongue flicker out in appreciation. Was he imagining things or did the angel's eyes darken just a fraction at this? This was turning out to be even easier than they had expected, it seemed.

The angel suddenly blinked and shook himself out of the daze he had fallen into. He averted his eyes shyly and fussed with his bowtie. "Crowley, what is going on?" he finally asked, flustered.  
"Nothing," Beelzebub answered smugly and took a bite of their own pastry. Then, just as the angel seemed to relax again, they slowly leaned in to offer a bite from their own fork. For a split second the angel froze, a look of incredulous surprise in his face.

Beelzebub knew all that was needed now was a tiny push, and with a lazy flick of their wrist they strengthened the temptation. The angel's eyes glazed over and he leaned forward like a puppet on a string.

The moan escaping the angel's lips as they closed around the bite was so sensual, so downright filthy, even Beelzebub felt a stirring in their current Effort. Maybe they should have gone for gluttony after all. The demon felt a shiver travel along their snaky spine and they didn't even question whether they were potentially moving too quickly, as they leaned in and licked some residue cream from the corner of the angel's lips.

Aziraphale’s eyes widened in shock as he stared at the demon. "C...Crowley?" Panic raced through Beelzebub's nervous system as the angel's lower lip started to wobble in clear distress.

"Angel, are you alright?" Beelzebub hastened to ask, sneaking a hand up to cup the angel's cheek.

"W...what...?" Aziraphale sniffled, but didn't pull away. "After so many years..." he hiccuped, "so much time..." The last sentence ended in a whine so pitiful, Beelzebub knew they'd break character soon. There was only so much of this wailing any demon was willing to accept for the sake of a simple seduction. How did Crowley put up with such a fussy creature?

"Tell me... it's true... tell me, you mean it. Tell me, this isn't just..." The angel stared at his knees and hunched in on himself, looking utterly miserable.

Inwardly, Beelzebub sighed again in relief. It might be easier than they had feared after all. "Of course it is. I wouldn't lie to you, would I? We stood against Heaven and Hell together, didn't we?"

A single tear was rolling down the angel's cheekbone, but he was suddenly smiling. "Oh, Crowley." His eyelashes fluttered as he leaned forward a bit, clearly inviting a proper kiss. Beelzebub of course happily obliged. While they didn't particularly enjoy the thought of kissing such a sickeningly sweet creature, the thought of defiling such a creature did... pleasurable things to them that clearly asked for further exploration.

The angel's kiss was... terrible. Too much tongue, no coordination to speak of, and hesitation where anticipation could have functioned as a last saving grace. He clearly had no clue what he was doing, but it was not as if Beelzebub had expected anything different from a millenia old virgin. Of course he wasn't the first inexperienced being Beelzebub had ever planned to seduce. They hoped the angel would at least be eager to explore, so this would not take any longer than strictly necessary. At least they could anticipate the sweet pain of a pure being falling.

Beelzebub finally pulled back from the kiss and smoothly moved their mouth down to the angel’s neck. They licked softly, searching for the pulse point before biting down. The angel went rigid in their arms, a mortified gasp escaping his lips at the nip, and Beelzebub nearly chuckled as they saw the clear outline of the angel's own Effort straining against his trousers.

"Crowley." Aziraphale whimpered and to Beelzebub's surprise buried his free hand in his hair to pull the demon away from his throat. Beelzebub pulled back a little and lifted a questioning eyebrow, afraid that the angel wanted them to stop.

"Please," the angel said, with such an innocent look Beelzebub felt their stomach turn with all the saccharine emotion they were forced to suffer. "Please, let me, Crowley," he begged, and this time Beelzebub couldn't hold back the smug satisfaction as they leaned back, giving the angel room to work.

The angel reached over and removed their glasses, only to let them fall carelessly to the floor next to the sofa. Soon Beelzebub was pushed back into the cushions with the angel kneeling between their sprawled legs. Finally Aziraphale circled both their wrists with his fingers and pushed them down, clearly asking them to hold still.

As the angel leaned in with hooded eyes, Beelzebub inwardly steeled themselves for another round of inexperienced kissing.

Suddenly their wrists and thighs started to prickle uncomfortably. Something bright and angelic was blooming in the space between their bodies and Beelzebub felt disoriented at the sudden disruption.

"What'zzz thizzz?" They couldn't keep the buzz from their voice as they realized they weren't able to move anymore. They looked down to see angelic shackles around their wrists and thighs, connected with glowing ropes, also clearly of angelic origin. The ropes thrummed with celestial energy and featured a series of professional knots which would make any macramé practitioner proud.

"That’s quite enough of this, don't you think?" the angel asked, knowingly. "I think we both agree you can shed the illusion now, Lord Beelzebub."

The demon blanched as the energy in the ropes and shackles thrummed harder, on the verge of spilling over from merely uncomfortable to searing pain. Not seeing any point in holding up the illusion under these circumstances, they dropped the glamor.

"How did you know?" they finally asked defiantly.

The angel actually snorted at the question, eyebrows lifted so high it looked ridiculous on the angelic face.

"The correct question is 'How could I not have known?'," the angel answered and Beelzebub rolled their eyes at the theatrics. The angel put a finger to his lips, tapping them thoughtfully as he pretended to think about the question. Then he snapped his fingers, as if the perfect thought had come to his mind.

"Let's just say this: Crowley would have always known better than to try and steal any of my food. It's a lesson well learned." Aziraphale’s eyes sparkled at that and Beelzebub struggled to free himself – if only to get away from this ridiculous display. Who did this angel think he was? He couldn't be that good an actor now, could he? Gabriel couldn't stop gushing about how stupid this Principality was supposed to be, clearly he couldn't have fooled...

"I think you can stop hiding and greet our guest now, my dear," Aziraphale addressed the shadows behind some of the shelves to their left. Beelzebub stared incredulously as Crowley slithered forward with his trademark swivel. How could they have missed the presence of another demon in the bookshop? Had they really been so focused on their temptation that they forgot to scan for any occult or celestial irregularities? How odd.

"Great job, angel," the demon drawled. "Quite the show. Now that’s how a proper temptation is accomplished."

Beelzebub narrowed their eyes. "What'szzz that szzzuposzzzed to mean?"

Aziraphale just shook his head in what had to be described as arrogant disdain, even though it hardly fit the angel's otherwise fluffy appearance. "Did you truly think I wouldn't be able to sense a temptation from miles away?" Another condescending smile and Beelzebub seriously wanted to strangle the angel. "Did you really think your reckless hurry in trying to seduce me was your own doing?"

An angelic miracle traveled along Beelzebub’s nerve endings and they felt an all too familiar alteration of reality that no angel should be capable of. Once the fog in their brain lifted, they could clearly recognize the manipulative nature of the angel’s moan while eating, and the supernatural nudge to their Effort to entice interest.

While Beelzebub tried to stomach the fact that they had been outplayed by a fucking angel Aziraphale continued, "I had no particular interest in dragging this out any longer than necessary. I had plans for this afternoon, which you very rudely interrupted with your scheming." His tone turned prissy. "Also, I learned from the best. The Serpent of Eden has a reputation for reasons, you see?" 

Crowley rolled his eyes at the praise and leaned in for a kiss. Beelzebub's eyes boggled. Not only did the angel kiss him back without any hesitation, he also seemed suspiciously good at it all of a sudden: perfect amount of tongue, perfect timing, perfect blend of enthusiasm and skill. It was quite a filthy thing to watch, actually. If they hadn’t been so preoccupied with their current situation, Beelzebub might even have approved of the shameless display.

How could all of the assembled angels and demons have missed this relationship during their countless observations? Who was really the biggest idiot here? [4]

When the kiss finally ended, Crowley suddenly growled, "I can't believe you got hard letting them kiss you." The demon looked to be on the verge of a possessive tantrum, but the small triumph Beelzebub felt at this particular revelation was fairly short lived, as the angel calmly tutted, "I got hard knowing you were watching us while I allowed them to kiss me. Big difference, darling."

Crowley growled again, somehow sounding more desperate than angry now. "You will be punished for making me jealous, angel."

"Of course," the angel answered with a smirk rivaling the one Gabriel had worn in The Abandoned Warehouse™. "I will be looking forward to it, love. I always do." Beelzebub saw the way Crowley swallowed and wasn't sure if the other demon deserved pity or envy. That angel was a true bastard.

Then it hit him.

"How can you not have fallen?" Beelzebub hadn't meant to ask the question aloud, but for once their curiosity won out against their pride.

"I can only assume you’re joking. Do you really need an angel to explain to you how sinning works?" Aziraphale mocked disbelievingly. "If simply following the desire to eat good food or to rest after a long day with a good book were enough to count as true gluttony or sloth, I surely would have fallen before I even left Eden."

"Szzzo why didn't you?"

The two traitors exchanged a look with so much meaning that Beelzebub was perfectly aware they had no chance of ever deciphering it. Finally Crowley shrugged. "Your decision, angel. I don't care if they know. They won't believe it anyway."

"What are you two on about?" Beelzebub managed to buzz, even though technically the sentence didn't contain even one single syllable suited for buzzing.

"If lust alone were enough to cause one to fall, humans would have gone extinct centuries ago and all of them would have ended up in Hell one way or another, but... but if lust and love work together..." The angel trailed off, his eyes still fixed on Crowley.

"You know how it is, Lord Beelzebub," Crowley continued. "It's all about making decisions. Ever since the apple tree. Yes, lust can lead to many things, some of them unpleasant and certainly deserving of some quality time spent in hell, but so can love, twisted into obsession or longing so profound and excruciating, it will leave nothing of your true self."

"Spoken like a true poet, darling," Aziraphale whispered fondly. How could the angel switch from badass to besotted so seamlessly? It gave Beelzebub some serious whiplash.

"What would a demon know of love, or an angel of luszzzt?" they spat, disgusted at the open display of sticky feelings all over the place.

"Everything we taught each other over the centuries, Lord Beelzebub," Aziraphale explained calmly. 

When the angel paused, Crowley took over. "This angel's mine, and I won't let him fall. What he didn't know, I’d teach, so he'd know where to tread carefully. Lust can be a stumbling block, but also a priceless gift." 

Another pause and a meaningful look between the two traitors, before the angel continued. "This demon's mine. I won't let him suffer, not through love, which can twist and weaken, but can also be a priceless gift."

Beelzebub wondered if the pair had practised this speech in advance. It sounded suspiciously like wedding vows. How deeply twisted would that be - such a trivial human ritual between an ethereal and an infernal creature, such a cruel mockery of Her ineffable plan for all her creatures?  
"What will you do to me now? Szzzmite me? Diszzzcorporate me?"

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. "So you'll attack us again, and worse, once you have licked your wounds in private? That does not seem very sensible to me."

This could only mean... holy water? Beelzebub's throat suddenly went very, very dry. Would Crowley even assist, now that it couldn't harm him anymore?

"We'll miracle you away and send somebody to untangle you once we have reinforced our protections around our home." Crowley said matter of factly. "I guess you thought you could have easily breached the wards if you’d put your mind to it, but that's only because we were expecting you. It won't be that easy next time, Lord Beelzebub."

It hit them then that neither the angel nor the demon had used their title in a mocking way, and for some reason it struck them as terribly odd. Why should the pair bother with formalities, if they actually planned to kill them? Were they lulling them into a false sense of security? But then again, why bother?

"Why not kill me and be done with it?" they finally muttered, confused. Aziraphale sighed one of those deep, irritating sighs again.

"So you'd be replaced by another demon who seeks our destruction? What is the point?" Aziraphale reached for the ropes, loosening them enough that Beelzebub could unfold from the crouch in which the angel had so effectively bound him. "Up you go." Aziraphale pulled the demon to their feet and Beelzebub felt the familiar tug of a teleportation miracle.

After a few seconds of fighting down the nausea rising at this particularly uncomfortable way of traveling, they took a look at their surroundings and groaned. "Eden, really?"

Crowley shrugged. "It seemed fitting. This place holds some pleasant memories for us and leaving you here all bound up as a present, ripe for the picking so to speak, is only adding to them."

"Apple jokes, my dear?" Aziraphale snorted, as he matter-of-factly manhandled Beelzebub to a seat against the infamous apple tree. The Principality might appear soft on the outside, but Beelzebub was suddenly keenly aware why he had been chosen as Guardian of the Eastern Gate.

"Love, you brought us here, not me. You do know what this place does to me." Crowley waggled his eyebrows suggestively and for a moment Beelzebub wondered what was worse: suffering the lusty adoration for Crowley [5] on Aziraphale's face or the terribly inept attempts at suave seductions from an obviously love-sick demon.

Maybe holy water would have been the merciful option after all.

"I do." Aziraphale agreed, amused, checking his work one last time.

"Why go to all thiszzz trouble if you have no intentions of deszzztroying me?"

"We already told you what we want. Yes, we meddled with Armageddon, but only because we didn't want to lose Earth. We defied you, because we simply had no wish to fight each other. We had no other means to protect what is important to us." Aziraphale said.

"But all we want now isss to be left alone. We do not wish to be part of either of your sssides. We are finally on our own ssside," Crowley added, surprising Beelzebub with the drawn out hissing. Emotional much, Crowley?

"Come on, angel. Let's go home. If I keep letting you work on those knots, nobody will be able to open them ever again and as funny as I'd find that, it wasn't our plan." Crowley offered his hand and the angel linked their fingers without hesitation.

"You're right. If I remember correctly, I was promised a punishment, wasn't I?" The angel's eyes twinkled and Crowley groaned mockingly. "One day, you'll be the death of me, angel."

A soft pop and both entities disappeared without so much as a goodbye. Beelzebub reeled at the rudeness, yet felt a tiny bit charmed by it. They were a demon after all.

Minutes stretched into hours and Beelzebub idly wondered which part of the waiting was worse; the fact that Eden's apples did indeed look quite tasty and were just out of reach, or that their nose had been itching for hours now and they had no means to properly scratch it.

Another slight shift in reality, a pop—and Beelzebub groaned as they saw their designated rescuer. He instantly made number one on their current annoyance list.

"Gabriel?"

...

"You were amazing, angel. They didn't know what hit them," Crowley gushed, as they worked on strengthening the wards around the bookshop.

"Don't you think we exaggerated a bit much though?" Aziraphale asked skeptically, wrestling with the symbols on a particularly complicated protective circle.

"No," Crowley snorted. "They had it coming for weeks. Spying on us like that was extremely stupid. We may not be the most competent angelic and occult beings around, but even we could spot them from miles away. Subtlety isn't really their thing."

"Of course they earned it, but insinuating we've been making love right under their noses for centuries without them noticing seems a bit over the top. Even if we had been very careful, they surely would have noticed something at some point or another."

"Maybe, but do you really think it would be bad, if they believe we have been duping them for centuries? Or that you are far more of a badass than just the lovely bastard you actually are?"  
"I don't appreciate you insinuating that I am not, as you put it, 'badass'," Aziraphale pointed out primly and Crowley chuckled. 

Then the demon did a double take at the sly look on his partner's face. "You... you, ngk." Without further words he backed the angel up against the nearest bookshelf. [6]

"You truly were turned on by the knowledge that I was watching you kiss somebody else."  
Aziraphale's look of pure innocence was utterly ruined by the amusement teasing at the corners of his mouth. "I have no idea what you are talking about, darling."

Crowley gaped. "And you actually _want_ me to get all possessive about it," he finally asked in disbelief.

"Maybe," Aziraphale added coyly, but then his look softened a bit as his arms closed around his partner's waist. "But only if it is something you agree on. You know I would never... not without your explicit permission." Aziraphale kissed him so softly that Crowley's eyes fluttered automatically closed. He moaned and heard Aziraphale answer in kind.

Their physical relationship was still so new, so delicate, that both angel and demon could hardly believe it was finally becoming a reality, an actual, possible future for both of them.

"Of course I would fall in love with the only kinky angel She ever created. Heav... He... Someone help me," Crowley bemoaned, amused.

Aziraphale bit his own lower lip, looking bashful, eyes never leaving Crowley's mouth. "I seem to recall that I was promised punishment for my misbehavior. Can I count on this still being on this afternoon's agenda?"

"You bet," Crowley growled hungrily and grabbed his angel's hand to pull him upstairs. The wards could wait a little longer.

...

The End

...

[1] It wasn’t. return to text

[2] or breakfast and sometimes even dinner return to text

[3] Beelzebub took a small moment to be surprised at the quality of the pastry they were currently chewing. As an entity who was supposed to help induce gluttony in other beings, they indeed appreciated well-constructed work material. While eating was usually nothing they wasted their time on, it was in this particular case at least not as unpleasant as it could have been. If nothing else, that angel's taste buds were functioning well enough it seemed. return to text

[4] The answer to this is of course always Gabriel. return to text

[5] of all the demons to choose return to text

[6] A few of the older tomes tried to wriggle out of the way, as they had a fair idea of where exactly this might be leading. return to text


End file.
